Sunday, April 17, 2011

After lunch/dinner today went in goodwill just to fuck around
ended up with three baby outfits and three bibs
They looked new and all for 4.50
Can't beat that and I figure no harm done if they look clean and nice
I didn't make it to my friends baby shower because I was on crutches so I'm trying to make it up
Hopefully since it's Easter weekend I'll be able to get out again to another thrift store and pick some more stuff up
Quality over quantity of course but so far everything has looked very nice
of course I'd never buy anything that looked dingy or worn
I figure it's ok

st st & th th

Bf half a grapefruit
lunch chicken rice and veggies
not sure on cals... off to look them up though
hope it wasn't too much
had to go out with family since my uncle is visiting
I havent done shit today either
obviously i should work out instead of play on the internet but I think I'll take this as a rest day
everyone deserves one once in awhile

Work for it

Saturday, April 16, 2011

I got asked the other day why I was doing this to myself
What was I getting out of it
Was it really even for me or was it for a boy
so almost automatically I replied with I want to feel good about me this defiantly has nothing to do with anyone else
but I mean really?
come on
When I think about it I don't dress for me
I don't do my hair for me
I don't paint my face for me
I do it all for other people because I want to be liked and excepted
I want people to find me beautiful
If that were false I'd run around with nothing on and I'd eat all the yummy fat foods I wouldn't put myself through painful workouts and I wouldn't try so fucking hard to get my knee back to workout safe shape
but unfortunately this has everything to do with everything else and little to do with me so I'll keep working until I pass out and can't breathe and then maybe everyone will see how pretty I can be

Work for it

I just wanna know he loves me
I want to know he misses me
I want to know I'm more then something to have sex with
I want to know I'm worth it
I never let people push me around but I'm wondering if I'm blinded by him
Maybe I just can't see what he's doing
or maybe I just looking for an out
either way its wrong
I keep asking myself Do I love him? Well do I?
I think so... I think?